ARTIST STATEMENT
In the broadest sense, my artwork explores aspects of the human form and how it can be juxtaposed in a variety of ways to create meaning. Initially, I approached this through portraiture. I examined the way that color compared directly with expression could be used to shed light on true inner emotions, expressing how they’re not always shown outwardly in a truthful manner. In my recent work, this exploration of form has shifted towards creating a discussion about the impacts of mental illness; often there’s an element of romanticization that contradicts the severity and danger of the illness. I choose to work mostly with oil paint, oil pastel, and occasionally colored pencil or hand embroidery.
Although my work has moved away from studying the deep relationship between color and feeling, the more emotional work serves as a precursor to my own self-reflection. Instead of creating a contrast between inner and outer expression through color, I’ve moved towards distorting the body in a more visceral way. I want to create a push and pull between the typical conventions of beauty and distortion of view.
In addition to the exploration of the human form, I’ve also begun to incorporate the use of moths in my work because they are highly dichotomous creatures. Biblically, moths are associated with decay because they eat clothing, they also have self-destructive tendencies in their fatal attraction towards light. However, moths are also incredibly beautiful and intricate creating a fetishized, distorted view of destruction. I use moths alongside distorted bodies in order to create a juxtaposition between the grotesque and the beautiful, ultimately creating a metonym. The conflation of the grotesque or bizarre with what’s deemed beautiful reflects the reality of having an eating disorder. Grotesque, suffering, and beauty come to mean the same thing. Although it’s bizarre and scary, anorexia becomes personified, glamorizing the process of self-destruction. This fetishization deepens the addictive nature of eating disorders creating a sense of longing and nostalgia even in recovery.
The overall goal of my work is to capture the phenomenon of how sometimes we can miss the worst times of our lives. I want to confront the way I romanticize my own eating disorder and how that currently manifests in my life as a recovered anorexic. In a broader sense, I’m aiming to demystify the discourse surrounding eating disorders through an uncomfortable, disorienting portrayal of the body. My work is meant to be a confusing space that forces the viewer to question the ways in which they themselves fetishize the aesthetics and unsettling nature of eating disorders and other forms of addiction.
